January 17, 2011

Finding Love

Until we cross over to the other side, we all belong to that lost group of people that are looking for real love. The heart-wrenching, gut-moving, mind-numbing sense of true belonging, perhaps not unconditional, like the Creator has for the Created, but close nevertheless.

The kind that wants to live forever because you found the person you love and won't settle for anything less than forever.

Until you get there, life is one big question, as if you are incomplete, because you are missing part of the whole, your soul-mate of sorts. Nothing looks as colourful, things seem pretty purposeless, and there is a wide gaping hole inside of you in evenings when its perfectly quiet in your room and suddenly, a 10X10 room looks over-large.

You are not alone - you are lonely.

But when you cross over to the other side and feel qualified enough to talk about finding life-lasting true love, you know just one extra thing.

That when you start doing all the things you love, you find true love waiting for you round the corner, and then...then, you are in no hurry. You stroll lazily across to them, you know they won't turn around and disappear, you know they are going to be hanging around right there and your eyes are on them. You take your time then, read that book you love to read, eat the things you love to eat, spend a day doing things you have always wanted to do, like walking through new roads and finding a shortcut, going to catch a movie all alone and thoroughly enjoying it.

You build a house of cards, you make a new friend, you decide to learn how to cook your favourite thing, you pleasantly surprise your parent, you mail order a pizza to your best friend in another city...you fall in love, over and over, with your life and with yourself. You know, finally, how to be happy and alone, not sad and lonely.

Then you find love. Only then.


Shastri said...

I experienced this: the feeling of falling in love with yourself. This long weekend, I spent with Star Signs, with cooking, and with my room. A book. Some spices. And the music of silence. And I felt loved back by those words ringing in my mind, by those spices dancing on my tongue, the silences spreading its wings through my being.
Thank you for the post. Your writing is always a reaffirmation of the values I hold closely.

Unknown said...

i think this is my favorite post ever. i love the way it is written, and gosh, i can't wait to experience all that. :P
(i sound so desperate, lol)

a said...

You know I dont read. And your posts are the only one's I do every now and then. And more often than not they come to me at a time when i need them the most.

Ive fallen out of love with myself but im determined to go find it again :D

Vinitha said...

It was lovely reading that! U nailed that bang on.....to be alone and not lonely :-)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Quite plausible, but I have a slightly different take. Though its not much different, its just about the timing we choose to seek love in everything that we tend to slow down and then at that pace find true love around the corner which we would otherwise ignore while taking a fast turn around that bend.
But that thing about forever? True, we want even the time to stop.

Blasphemous Aesthete

sunanda said...

I loved this post. You are right about being alone and not lonely. Like Shastri said I have experienced what you said about rediscovering myself. I love the way you put it across.

Apeksha said...

Lovely post.... I think all of us go thru this phase of finding our sleves and in turn loving ourselves... its very important to be comfortable with urself and recognising ur needs and desires and fulfilling them....
I loved ur blog...


Ree said...

@shaz:U r always welcome :)

@mehak: no u dont :P go grab ur life. carpe diem!

@a: my little amoodi u r :)

@vin: :) im glad i did - we all wish we knew it when we hit adolescence dont we though?

@BA: i know what u mean. and i totally agree.

@soop: u r welcome. big teddy hug to u :)

@apeksha: welcome apeksha. thank you for stopping by and reading. u have it right, you must be a happy soul :)