July 15, 2011

Blue Nail Colour

Once in every while, you should remember the things you did and liked long, long ago. When you were younger than you are now.

I remember how my first nail colour was a shade of lavender with glitter. And then a shade of blue with little sparkly stars inside. Ten years hence, when I see the same colour in fancy little bottles in stores, I remember that evening, under cheap incandescent bulbs, when I was peering into a box full of nail colours that looked a lot more glamorous under the light than they did under the tubelight of my home.

So a few days back, when I walked into a store and saw a bottle of electric blue nail enamel (yes, I used to buy absolutely unpredicatable colours), I picked it up on a whim. It sat in my bag for a while. I kept glancing at it every time I would open my purse, to give money, to find my comb or to stuff my scarf in. Today, I finally mustered up the courage to get it out and painted my toe nails blue. Oddly enough, painting my toe nails blue made me feel like everything was possible. Once again.

A part of me that I had forgotten and buried away someplace deep inside of me woke up. And I remembered several things. How I used to love flip-flops and floaters. Citrusy deos. I remembered I used to tie a handkerchief to my wrist because I used to lose them very easily.

I remembered how I used to entirely adore the font Tempus Sans ITC, so much so that I put up a massive fight when I was on the college magazine board and made them agree to using it as the cover page font. I haven't seen that font in forever. It fell out of use as MS Word grew to include other, more 'legible' fonts. By the time I realised I could download it and have it on my system, I had 'moved on' from the type of vehemence it used to inspire in me.

I am still not tolerant with Times New Roman, if that gives you some heart.

I remembered how I used to love black trousers. Not denims. Trousers. Part of me still loves them, they were made of synthetic silk and they used to dry out exceptionally fast in the rains. They don't sell those anymore.

I remember how blue was my favouritest colour in the world until one day, when I had dumped my first boyfriend for various reasons that seemed highly depressing at that time, suddenly, red seemed to be screaming out at me wherever I went. Red umbrellas, red lip gloss, red belts, red wellington boots. Red filers. Red became my anti-love. Half my wardrobe turned red in a matter of two months. My wardrobe now has all colours. Even pink, if you please, a colour I used to avoid like the plague those many long years back.

I realise now that its possible to be many different people in one lifetime. You don't need multiple lifetimes for that. Every few days, we are a new person. Every seven years, we have completely turned around and changed.

Perhaps, many years ago, this bit of information would have gotten me worried. But now, its relieving. Who wants to be stuck being who they are forever? We are vessels and we hold different insides every time. We hold changing outsides too. And in that movement, lies our peace.

Don't be afraid to change. Don't be afraid to move. Surprise yourself whenever you can. And once in every while, don;t forget to revisit who you were. Perhaps you will find, you are able to rekindle a long lost romance. With yourself.


Eon Heath said...

Hey, Hi
change is inevitable...even to those who dont prefer change, it comes...


it reminded me of a saying,
"as days pass, nothing changes...when we look back, everything has changed..."

htese arent the precise words, but i guess it does pass on teh message..

Eon Heath...

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Perhaps, change isn't as difficult as it seems in the beginning. Often I laugh at things that fascinated me when I was smaller. But then when I do get a chance to do them, or get them, they feel fresh.

Blasphemous Aesthete

Black Swan said...

Change inspires, much as blue nail color does - because its a part of you.