April 20, 2010


Have you pondered a sudden unexpected end? Nothing is unchanged. The clothes lie in the same wardrobe, those socks are in the dryer, the book they were reading is still lying with the bookmark on page 259. That shirt on the door smells of their perfume.

But no person to turn the page, wear the shirt, dry out the socks. No movement, just the breeze blowing through the house, carrying their scent away, further and further.

And a few people who realise that they are very uncomfortable dealing with the empty space on earth that they left behind. What should you fill these empty spaces with? Of course they still hear the voice they won't hear anymore. Of course they wake up past midnight to find slippers by the bed that will not be worn again.

What do you do with the remnants?

Pick up the pieces and ask yourself to move on? Leave that empty space behind? Or keep attempting to carry the space with you, hoping against hope that one day, perhaps, you will wake up to see it filled again, the scent strong again, the clothes worn on the body they belong to?

But spaces do not move. Spaces stay and dissolve one day, along with you, along with all those people who carry remnants of memory in their hearts.

In this world of dissolving spaces, what really belongs to you?

April 07, 2010

Two Years

Three years ago, you did not know you would be here writing these words. Three years ago, you did not know the name that would make things go round in your life. Three years, all the wrong things mattered. Not the life-sustaining, soul-stirring truth of today.

Today's smells of cinnamon and spice, today's sunsets and late mornings. Today's aroma of cocoa butter over your skin, today's maddeningly hot temperature, today's swirls of dust motes descending on your palm. Today's power cut and today's flowery rangoli design outside the door.

Three years ago, the streets were humid and dusty and you wanted to sit down on the pavement. Three years ago, you wee running late to work because you missed a local train that was so full, you would have to travel on the roof and risk getting electrocuted. Three years ago, you valued yourself and missed the train. Three years ago, your boss made you realise you were in the wrong job. Three years ago, you were telling yourself that loving a job is about sticking to it.

Three years ago, you put your papers down. You went to work nevertheless to serve your notice period. Three years ago, you were eating ready-to-eat Upma from a packet, unsure if it tasted raw or over-cooked.

Three years ago, you made the sore mistake of not listening to the small voice in your head that wanted you to run away. You were too fast. You were too furious. But not enough to run away on time. You made mistakes and it took you three months to correct yourself.

Three months that were longer than these three years and defined everything else that followed. But you did get up again, dusted yourself and marched ahead, wary, tired and defeated.

Two years ago, life swept you up, blew you away and you were scared to move for fear of falling. You protested, cried, questioned but you would not help drowning because it felt so good to let go.

Two years ago, you officially decided to move into the calming waters that would soothe your soul and stir your spirits. Two years ago, you did not know two years could fly by so fast.

They did, didn't they?